I don't know what I want to do with my life, I never have. I've just lived, and worked, and just been 'here'. Now I'm 60 and a bit years old, lost my job through ill health - not listening to my body and breaking it. And so I'm more lost than ever. I have always bounced from one job to another, lasting about 7 to 8 years in each one. So do I have 7 years left? 7 years to find what it is or was that I should have been doing all this time? Or should I jump ship and give it all up as a bad job? Everything feels so pointless.
Thank you for sharing this. I honestly don't know. But I suspect the answer might be less about what you "should" have been doing - to work with the essay's ideas, that would actually be a form of awayness. My mentor's question could be interesting here - what is your deepest aspiration? But that also might feel way too big right now, in which case just reflecting on what you want to feel could be useful (purpose, clarity, love, etc?). Pema Chodron's writing is also a balm during stages of lostness. Sending love your way, Tina.
As someone who has spent a lot of time in the outdoor industry—so much yes! The teachings are always profoundly transferable.
Perdita Finn writes about how our heart's desire in this life is the prayer we came in with from our last life. I've been feeling this a lot of my own life lately, too— that following my deepest aspirations is the key to generating wellness, congruency, and integrity.
I often reframe questions by inverting them. If I want to avoid being broke, I invert the problem and get a sense of what to avoid. And while I still think inversion is a powerful model, your essay highlights how easily you can point yourself in a negative direction. Inversion can be a powerful tool, but you can't allow yourself to stay stuck with that lens, for all of the reasons you describe so eloquently.
It doesn't take much imagination to see how much of my life is dictated by awayness. I am only beginning to see what towardness feels like, and boy, is it powerful. This piece has encouraged me to relflect on many areas of my life and what motivations are guiding those decisions.
Fascinating on the inversion bit - that actually seems like a useful cognitive move. But with on how important it is for the psyche, on a gross and subtle level, to now overuse negatively oriented terms.
as a classic overanalyzer, this piece is a good reminder for me
my sort-of issue with towardsness and manifestation is it can also be done incorrectly (blindly wishing and hoping won't make things happen)
it's easy sometimes for people to say it's not working and it's a bunch of bullshit because they don't realize they're not moving towards something (taking action needs to happen too)
but it's made clear in your piece that there's multiple parts to it
1. takes time to point yourself as a guide towards the larger values you want
Totally, I think I share your aversion to some of the BS in the "manifest everything" scene. And I love how you succintly broke it down - thanks for that.
This is an excellent essay with practical tools and suggestions to train your mind. I've recently discovered after decades in the rooms that my compulsive thinking is a sold block from receiving any internal guidance, personal desires, wishes, etc. Emmet Fox has an incredible booklet entitled, "Your Heart's Desire" and it basically says that the your hearts desire is the voice of God and one should spend his or her life in pursuit of the discovery of one's "place in life." I have found that the only way to do that is to quiet the mind.
Oh, I love that - your heart's desire is the voice of God. I've never read Emmet Fox, but know he was super influential. So thanks for the nudge to check him out, and for this lovely comment.
He has a bunch of small booklets- The Golden Key is one I’ve read over and over and now I’m reading Your Hearts Desire. I think you will love his work.
I don't recall ever having a desire for anything, except to be left alone, because quiet solitude was the only comfort I could find. Even now, when I'm trying to put my life on track, I can't point to anything...I've been anhedonic for so long that nothing makes me feel joy or happiness. I try to imagine myself happy, but can't.
"Fair warning: even the practices designed to train your attention and free you from escape can land you on the left side of the diagram. For years, I meditated with an away orientation without realizing it." ----- YUP!
You describe this really well. Caught in wanting to not think, but not properly orienting towards something else.
This is where I agree that compassion practices can be so helpful. It gives us something immediate and positive to point at. And then be drawn towards.
Dig this: point at, then be drawn towards - excellent summary of what I was trying to say, there. And glad you dug the diagram, as I certainly spent too much time on it. Thanks, Miles.
Alex, I appreciate that you introduce such useful mental models for self improvement. Awayness is going in my toolbox right away! I still use the concept of reciprocal narrowing that I learned from you years ago.
On the surface level, absolutely. Most nuanced decisions have both. But at the deeper, more dharmic level, there's usually a primary orientation to what's happening in direct experience - something like suffering = what's happening x resistance (awayness).
At its core this feels to me like moving towards trust (a total belief in love as the current) and away from fear. But, as you note, fear is wildly intelligent. "This will keep you safe" almost never does, except in surrender, but surrender in our culture reads like loss, which is, perhaps, our core misunderstanding. I'm feeling so settled and inspired picturing a world built on the playbook you're writing. I love watching your thoughts coalesce.
Completely. At the deep end especially, it's just a relaxing into trust. But the fear-away energy is tricky tricky. I've also found a lot of juice being quite specific with this, moving towards love, intimacy, effortlessness, radiance, mystery, for instance. Or, esp relatable for you, there's a particular flavor of goodness/sweetness I find myself naturally moving towards watching my son move through the world.
I don't know what I want to do with my life, I never have. I've just lived, and worked, and just been 'here'. Now I'm 60 and a bit years old, lost my job through ill health - not listening to my body and breaking it. And so I'm more lost than ever. I have always bounced from one job to another, lasting about 7 to 8 years in each one. So do I have 7 years left? 7 years to find what it is or was that I should have been doing all this time? Or should I jump ship and give it all up as a bad job? Everything feels so pointless.
Thank you for sharing this. I honestly don't know. But I suspect the answer might be less about what you "should" have been doing - to work with the essay's ideas, that would actually be a form of awayness. My mentor's question could be interesting here - what is your deepest aspiration? But that also might feel way too big right now, in which case just reflecting on what you want to feel could be useful (purpose, clarity, love, etc?). Pema Chodron's writing is also a balm during stages of lostness. Sending love your way, Tina.
As someone who has spent a lot of time in the outdoor industry—so much yes! The teachings are always profoundly transferable.
Perdita Finn writes about how our heart's desire in this life is the prayer we came in with from our last life. I've been feeling this a lot of my own life lately, too— that following my deepest aspirations is the key to generating wellness, congruency, and integrity.
I love that framing, the prayer we came in with
I often reframe questions by inverting them. If I want to avoid being broke, I invert the problem and get a sense of what to avoid. And while I still think inversion is a powerful model, your essay highlights how easily you can point yourself in a negative direction. Inversion can be a powerful tool, but you can't allow yourself to stay stuck with that lens, for all of the reasons you describe so eloquently.
It doesn't take much imagination to see how much of my life is dictated by awayness. I am only beginning to see what towardness feels like, and boy, is it powerful. This piece has encouraged me to relflect on many areas of my life and what motivations are guiding those decisions.
Thank you!
Fascinating on the inversion bit - that actually seems like a useful cognitive move. But with on how important it is for the psyche, on a gross and subtle level, to now overuse negatively oriented terms.
Such an insightful piece. Thanks Alex!
So glad to hear, thank you, Sabrina.
interesting piece, subscribed
as a classic overanalyzer, this piece is a good reminder for me
my sort-of issue with towardsness and manifestation is it can also be done incorrectly (blindly wishing and hoping won't make things happen)
it's easy sometimes for people to say it's not working and it's a bunch of bullshit because they don't realize they're not moving towards something (taking action needs to happen too)
but it's made clear in your piece that there's multiple parts to it
1. takes time to point yourself as a guide towards the larger values you want
2. not overthinking
3. taking action
Totally, I think I share your aversion to some of the BS in the "manifest everything" scene. And I love how you succintly broke it down - thanks for that.
This is an excellent essay with practical tools and suggestions to train your mind. I've recently discovered after decades in the rooms that my compulsive thinking is a sold block from receiving any internal guidance, personal desires, wishes, etc. Emmet Fox has an incredible booklet entitled, "Your Heart's Desire" and it basically says that the your hearts desire is the voice of God and one should spend his or her life in pursuit of the discovery of one's "place in life." I have found that the only way to do that is to quiet the mind.
Oh, I love that - your heart's desire is the voice of God. I've never read Emmet Fox, but know he was super influential. So thanks for the nudge to check him out, and for this lovely comment.
Your comment also reminds me of this, which I just wrote: It also reminds me of this, which I just wrote:
https://substack.com/@deepfix/note/c-286170033?utm_source=notes-share-action&r=ipt3
He has a bunch of small booklets- The Golden Key is one I’ve read over and over and now I’m reading Your Hearts Desire. I think you will love his work.
Such a wonderful post. Thank you so much for sharing. These were the words I needed today. Thanks again.
Thank you so much, and I like your name :)
Thanks very much, Alex
This is one of your very best, Alex. 🖤
Thank you Emily, that means a lot coming from you!
I don't recall ever having a desire for anything, except to be left alone, because quiet solitude was the only comfort I could find. Even now, when I'm trying to put my life on track, I can't point to anything...I've been anhedonic for so long that nothing makes me feel joy or happiness. I try to imagine myself happy, but can't.
Thank you for sharing. That's a lot to carry, and I'm sending you a hug in solidarity.
"Fair warning: even the practices designed to train your attention and free you from escape can land you on the left side of the diagram. For years, I meditated with an away orientation without realizing it." ----- YUP!
You describe this really well. Caught in wanting to not think, but not properly orienting towards something else.
This is where I agree that compassion practices can be so helpful. It gives us something immediate and positive to point at. And then be drawn towards.
Also really dig your diagram. Very relatable.
Dig this: point at, then be drawn towards - excellent summary of what I was trying to say, there. And glad you dug the diagram, as I certainly spent too much time on it. Thanks, Miles.
Great articulation. Something I've sensed was true, have believed, without ever heard it explicated. Thank you!
Right on, thank you Surya!
So good. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Elliott!
Alex, I appreciate that you introduce such useful mental models for self improvement. Awayness is going in my toolbox right away! I still use the concept of reciprocal narrowing that I learned from you years ago.
So glad to hear this. And reciprocal narrowing/opening is still one of my all-time favs. Thank you.
can a decision embody both towardness and awayness at the same time?
On the surface level, absolutely. Most nuanced decisions have both. But at the deeper, more dharmic level, there's usually a primary orientation to what's happening in direct experience - something like suffering = what's happening x resistance (awayness).
At its core this feels to me like moving towards trust (a total belief in love as the current) and away from fear. But, as you note, fear is wildly intelligent. "This will keep you safe" almost never does, except in surrender, but surrender in our culture reads like loss, which is, perhaps, our core misunderstanding. I'm feeling so settled and inspired picturing a world built on the playbook you're writing. I love watching your thoughts coalesce.
Completely. At the deep end especially, it's just a relaxing into trust. But the fear-away energy is tricky tricky. I've also found a lot of juice being quite specific with this, moving towards love, intimacy, effortlessness, radiance, mystery, for instance. Or, esp relatable for you, there's a particular flavor of goodness/sweetness I find myself naturally moving towards watching my son move through the world.
@alex, “Ironically, never having to post on LinkedIn again… seems both divine and like a path away. “ 🤪