Holy moly, this is phrase contains so much: “A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” Btw, loved this essay as a whole. Very vulnerable, educational, and inspirational at the same time!
Thought I had during reading: maybe we need to cycle through all three status games to find out that none of them bring happiness or actual goodness. But oftentimes people get stuck in one (or more). And we should be grateful for (partially) stepping out of the status games.
Interesting take on the intersectionality of dominance, virtue and success. As with any behavior which operates under one’s radar, the trick is to become aware of it. The truth is none of us can ever be entirely free of unconscious motivations. But humor and empathy for ourselves & for others can go a long way in loosening the grip of such dynamics.
This piece lead me to think about not just ourselves and the status we seek, but the world around us as well. As in, how much ambient feedback do we get supporting or refuting our particular status-seeking behavior? Living in NYC, and in cities in general, I find it especially difficult because of how you can whipsaw between what you call virtue and status in your article. The sheer density of people means you're faced with a never-ending barrage of people always doing better than you in some capacity. The best solution for this, I've found, is time. The better you come to know yourself, the easier it becomes to calibrate your own path.
This just really blew my mind. Totally self-aware and full of great research nuggets. I also quit caffeine for over a year and recently relapsed btw, haha. A psychedelic experience in itself
Incisive as usual, my friend! What is so interesting about the status game is that, in the eyes of others, it is impossible to exit. The billionaire who donates their entire fortune could be accused of buying virtue. The corporate rat race employee who trades a job for a place at a monetary could be seeking the status associated with enlightenment. (And, of course, there’s a meta-status game being played by the observer who makes such accusations). But as you alluded to, if we cannot exit, we must at least constantly questions our motives. It all comes down to pursuing things with the best possible intent.
“Intent” is difficult to define, and often when looking back on a specific decision, what my intentions initially were are blurred, or they changed along the way and became another objective. Circumstances shape intent, and when circumstances shift even the slightest, subconsciously, intentions adapt without the person realizing it.
I am now questioning every decision I've made in the last five years—my sober time—because the status game undoubtedly played a role in every choice, including my randomly deciding to attempt to be a writer while equipped only with monosyllables and cuss words.
You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Wait—how did you quit drinking coffee? I drink four could daily, and each always at the same time. If I miss a cup, my head hurts for days.
Holy moly, this is phrase contains so much: “A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth.” Btw, loved this essay as a whole. Very vulnerable, educational, and inspirational at the same time!
Thought I had during reading: maybe we need to cycle through all three status games to find out that none of them bring happiness or actual goodness. But oftentimes people get stuck in one (or more). And we should be grateful for (partially) stepping out of the status games.
Thanks for writing Alex!
Vegan virtue games - guilty as charged, your honour. 😊
Interesting take on the intersectionality of dominance, virtue and success. As with any behavior which operates under one’s radar, the trick is to become aware of it. The truth is none of us can ever be entirely free of unconscious motivations. But humor and empathy for ourselves & for others can go a long way in loosening the grip of such dynamics.
This piece lead me to think about not just ourselves and the status we seek, but the world around us as well. As in, how much ambient feedback do we get supporting or refuting our particular status-seeking behavior? Living in NYC, and in cities in general, I find it especially difficult because of how you can whipsaw between what you call virtue and status in your article. The sheer density of people means you're faced with a never-ending barrage of people always doing better than you in some capacity. The best solution for this, I've found, is time. The better you come to know yourself, the easier it becomes to calibrate your own path.
This just really blew my mind. Totally self-aware and full of great research nuggets. I also quit caffeine for over a year and recently relapsed btw, haha. A psychedelic experience in itself
Incisive as usual, my friend! What is so interesting about the status game is that, in the eyes of others, it is impossible to exit. The billionaire who donates their entire fortune could be accused of buying virtue. The corporate rat race employee who trades a job for a place at a monetary could be seeking the status associated with enlightenment. (And, of course, there’s a meta-status game being played by the observer who makes such accusations). But as you alluded to, if we cannot exit, we must at least constantly questions our motives. It all comes down to pursuing things with the best possible intent.
“Intent” is difficult to define, and often when looking back on a specific decision, what my intentions initially were are blurred, or they changed along the way and became another objective. Circumstances shape intent, and when circumstances shift even the slightest, subconsciously, intentions adapt without the person realizing it.
I am now questioning every decision I've made in the last five years—my sober time—because the status game undoubtedly played a role in every choice, including my randomly deciding to attempt to be a writer while equipped only with monosyllables and cuss words.
You’ve given me a lot to think about. Thank you.
Wait—how did you quit drinking coffee? I drink four could daily, and each always at the same time. If I miss a cup, my head hurts for days.